Friday Night Cry Session

I normally don’t complain on here or blog about things that get me down.  I try to stay pretty positive and would consider myself a glass-half full kind of girl.

But the recent pain in my lower back has made the last two weeks extremely tough:

  • I’m frustrated that the pain is affecting my parenting abilities.  I haven’t really taken my son anyplace lately because of my inability to keep up with him – so no park visits, no walks, no trips to Target or other stores.  He’s a vivacious 18 month old who wants to run around and play and the pain is preventing me from allowing him to do this.   I’ve also been told by the chiropractor to pick up my son as little as possible.  While he definitely prefers to be running around, there are countless times when he wants to be held during the day.  How am I supposed to not hold him or carry him up the stairs at bedtime?  It’s pretty hard to expect him to understand why mommy no longer can pick him up.
  • I haven’t run since Tuesday, July 10th.  Today is Day 11.  This is the longest I have gone in over three years without a single run.  Although I’m still praying to be able to run soon, I am losing hope and am already planning and expecting the worst – that I will not be able to run until after delivery of baby #2.
  • It’s been SO hard to stay connected via social media.  I’m so proud and happy of all the other running mamas out there, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have a tinge of jealousy each time I read a post from some of my favorite running-for-two ladies: Janae, Sarah, or Nicole.  They are all running AMAZING miles still and I ache to be running with them.  It’s also extremely tough to read about everyone training for fall marathons, getting long runs in, and being so enthused about running.  So my reaction is to disconnect and mope (I know – I act like a little kid in this situations).
  • I made a stupid decision.  I began transitioning to minimalist shoes three months ago – so during pregnancy.  Do you ever do something that you know in your gut is not the smartest but you do it anyway?  Well that is what I did a few months ago.  I’ve been wearing the SAME shoes since 2007 – and have had no injuries or issues.  About three months ago, I decided to try out some low heel-to-toe drop shoes.  I slowly transitioned my way into them and have been wearing them for about 2/3 of my runs.  Based on what the chiropractor said today, it likely helped cause the pain that I am dealing with now because the change is too much for my body to adapt to (while it’s dealing with all the other changes going on).  So if I do get the chance to run again during pregnancy, it’ll be back to my Mizuno Wave Alchemys.

I reached a breaking point last night.  I had just returned from an afternoon with my son at my mom’s.  I needed to get some lab work done for my OB-GYN and had a chiropractor appointment with a second doctor (for a second opinion) and my mom watched my son for the afternoon while I went to both.  My husband was in the city meeting up with some friends for dinner and drinks, so after putting my son to sleep in his crib, I walked into our bedroom, plopped on the bed, and proceeded to ball my eyes out for a good solid 10 minutes.

There are times when a good cry is the best medicine.  Last night was one of those times.

But since I do try to stay positive, there is some good news to share.  I went to a new chiropractor yesterday.  He diagnosed me over the phone a few days ago based on what I told him and confirmed his diagnosis yesterday: Posterior Pelvic Pain (aka Sacroiliac Joint Pain).  This is what I initially diagnosed myself as having.  He is a sports chiropractor and RUNS – so he understands my desire need to get out and run.  My Sacroilliac Joint (SI) was misaligned.  He realigned it yesterday as well as massaged out / stopped the muscle spasms that I had.  He wants to see me three times a week for the next few weeks.  I have to ice and do a series of stretches for a good portion of the weekend.  He is hopeful that I will be up and running soon – but has already cautioned me that some women do not get the relief that they hope and have to deal with pain until labor.

The last two weeks have been extremely humbling for me.  I had SUCH an easy pregnancy the first time around and was able to happily run until the day before my son was born.  I know now that I definitely took it for granted and went into this pregnancy thinking that I was invincible…which obviously I am not.  I have spent the last two weeks hobbling and waddling around with one hand always bracing my lower back – feeling like the typical pregnant woman that I almost used to look down on before.

After the cry last night, I immediately pulled myself together.  Is it the WORST thing if I can’t run for another ~8+ weeks?  Yes, it’s tough in so many ways because running is part of who I am.  I just blogged about this very topic a few weeks ago.  I am cranky, irritable, impatient…the list goes on and on…when I don’t run.

BUT I have to take a step back and look at the big picture.  In two months, I will have a newborn in my arms.  There are women who would give up SO much more to get pregnant.  And I need to start looking at it that way.  In the end, dealing with some pain and not running will be worth it if that’s what is necessary to have a healthy baby.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and enjoys this gorgeous weather!

    Related posts:

    42 thoughts on “Friday Night Cry Session

    1. You’ll find all the hot girls and all the sexy bikinis in one showcase.
      We simply love HardX. News Now reported actress model and sometimes-troubled movie star
      Lindsay Lohan spend Monday on the sand wearing nothing but an electric blue
      bikini. Hard X now, That’s why the only advice that we can give
      to a confused bikini babe like you is just drop the conventional
      cotton bikini pieces and go with those that are bizarre (well,
      for most people).
      dane jones recently posted..dane jonesMy Profile

    2. A pair of metallic gold or silver toned sandals would be glamorous, and go well
      with everything. We simply love HardX. Therefore, you will have a clear idea on the subject of
      your purchase. Hard X now, Blazer and Benny are walking up a cliff behind his house.
      bikini babe recently posted..bikini babeMy Profile

    3. Pingback: Back to Running!!

    4. I am so sorry about your injury and pain your having! It really does feel terrible to have an injury. Just remember you will get through it. Things always have a way of working themselves out. Good luck with your treatment!
      Stephanie recently posted..Ramey’s meat…oh the goodnessMy Profile

    5. Oh I hope the pain subsides more now that you got a diagnosis! You are fully allowed a cry session and to feel the way you feel! Absolutely! I bet it was humbling though and gives you even more perspective at your body, what it’s capable of and what you are growing, a beautiful baby, and in less than two months? joy :-) Take care, and you’ll be back at it soon, I have no doubt!
      jobo recently posted..On being real.My Profile

    6. I’m so sory you’re going through this. I wish I had some magic words to make you feel happier!! Hang in there, girl!! You have a lot of people cheering you on, obviously :) You’re going to feel so great with your new little baby in a couple months!

    7. You just need some pavey hug in your life that’s all. Ok, well, since I am in CA and you are all preggers in NY, you get a virtual hug {{squeeze}}

      See, that makes it like 5% better. You’re welcome.

      Sending positive vibes and rely on your family as support. You said it best, big picture. I know you are surrounded by loved ones, so I know you go this.
      Pavement Runner recently posted..My Top 10 Favorite MedalsMy Profile

    8. I’m around the same # weeks pregnant as you – on my 32nd week and have started to experience some lower back and what I believe may be some sciatic issues – I get numbness from my butt to my calf. Have you tried Kinesiotape or something along those lines? I found something on Youtube that is specifically to alleviate this during 3rd trimester and find that it helps. Feel free to contact me and I can send you the link. I am not as die hard a runner as you, but without a doubt it’s what is keeping me sane and am hoping you can get back out there before your delivery!

    9. I’m so sorry!! I don’t know what to say. I hope and pray this pain goes away! I had this with both pregnancies and it’s horrible! Prayers being sent your way for sure! You are so loved and such an inspiration. Always know that! :)
      Emily Buck recently posted..Goals?My Profile

    10. Hi Michele,

      I am sorry to read about this. I can empathise fully as my recent injury not only affected my ability to run, but my whole life as I was in a lot of pain and normal everyday tasks just weren’t an option as I could hardly walk. I can’t imagine the emotional pain though of not begin able to pick up your baby boy or entertain him how you could do before.

      I went through a whirlwind of emotions, and still am now, especially the crying but also anger – why me?! I was jealous of all those runners who I know in real life and whos blogs I follow who were banging out the miles, completing races and having a blast, I disconnected from my friends and really sunk low.

      It was my GP who helped pull me out, he told me to be a bit more Buddhist and just accept the injury, it was out of my control and it would heal, but in its own time, I would need to develop patience however – not my strong point. His straight talking pulled me out of the lull and I am starting to feel better.

      I know you are not like me, you are much stronger mentally and you have already picked yourself up after your cry which is so commendable. I just wanted to let you know, I feel your pain, I understand and I am sending my best wishes to you from the UK.

      There are many more miles in those legs of yours, a lifetime of precious moments with your son and new baby and you will heal.

      Stay strong, mama!
      Helen recently posted..Valemount to JasperMy Profile

    11. Aw girl! I wish I could give you a GIANT hug right now. Sometimes a good cry is exactly what you need to get it out of your system…and sometimes blogging it out really helps you to see for yourself just how much you’ve been dealing with without fully realizing it. But once you stepped back and remembered just what you’ve been shouldering right now…it’s a LOT. And you’ve kept a positive spirit up about it the entire time. Which is amazing. YOU are amazing. I am SO glad you’ve gotten some good news from the doctor and are hopefully on the right path towards recovery so you can enjoy your family more again, you can enjoy running again and you can get back to being ‘you’ again. Hang in there ok? xoxo
      Jess recently posted..Of (fit) bucket lists and thingsMy Profile

    12. Michele, I totally understand your pain of not running. Due to my stress fractures (in both legs) I haven’t run since May. It sucked in the beginning but it made me take a huge step back and look at the big picture and what’s really important. I had a renewed gratitude for my family, my time, and my body, which allows me to do so much, so why abuse it by continuing to run when it is clearly screaming for rest. Hang in there, and good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy!

    13. Oh girl… SO much to comment on here. I can definitely relate. We all want to be THAT pregnant running mom who has never-ending energy and can run many miles up until the day she delivers. I set a high bar for myself and was reminded several times that I am NOT the one in control. With a c-section you cannot lift anything heavier than your newborn baby for at least 4 weeks. Not a huge deal with your first but for my last 3 it was hard/ annoying. I especially felt bad for my second to youngest who never understood why I couldn’t lift them into the highchair or crib anymore. Just make special time holding him when you can- in a rocker ,etc.

      My SI joint was out of sync after my last baby since I was increasing my mileage too quickly. That was also around the time I got a Sacral stress fracture (in my pelvic bone) and had to STOP running for 8 weeks before I could slowly introduce it again.

      I hope your back pain subsides and you are able to run again soon but if it doesn’t happen until after baby #2 you will be ok!! This is just one small fraction of your life that I promise will go by in a blink. You have MANY more years of running left and tons of PR’s to set! 😉
      Tia @ Arkansas Runner Mom recently posted..A HARD day and a HARD workoutMy Profile

    14. Oh Michele!! I’m so sorry that it’s been so hard. You have every right to be frustrated. It’s not easy at all to be going through everything that you’re going through and not have the outlet of running. I’m going on almost 6 months since I last ran and 4 months (oh my gosh, already?!) since doing any sort of real workout and it’s HARD! Especially when it’s such a big part of who you are. My fingers are crossed that the chiropractor will help ease the pain and that the last 8 weeks will be pain-free – with some runs of course :-) But most importantly, take care of you. I can’t believe that pumpkin will here so soon! xoxo
      Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Friday Round-UpMy Profile

    15. So sorry you’re dealing with all of that! At least you’re trying to do everything you can to get better or be informed. I would think the toughest thing is anything preventing you from doing things with your son. Especially at 2 you can’t exactly say “Mommy’s back hurts” and have him be all “Oh why didn’t you say so?” Hang in there.
      Julie (@ROJRunning) recently posted..Friday Food : Swedish Meatballs RevisitedMy Profile

    16. Michelle Running only a part of who you are, but right now you are a mom to be and that is your first priority :-). You will be running before you know it, whether it is next week or in two months. In the big picture it is a very short time frame.

      Like most runners you try to do too much too soon :-). Not a bad thing but something that we do.

      Rest well and get through the two months and you will be back out there making the rest of us look bad :-)
      Harold Shaw recently posted..Still Running in 90 Degrees 7/20/12My Profile

    17. Oh, no! So sorry my friend. I get the exact same way when I can’t run– it’s hard to read about other people loving their runs, and I always need a good cry. I’m actually thinking I have to take a break right now as well with my shin. We are definitely not invincible, as much as I wish we were!
      Must be hard for your son, too. My daughter is 2 1/2 and she still wants me to pick her up throughout the day and would not be happy if I couldn’t. I hope and pray you’ll be feeling better soon. Glad you can still keep some perspective and realize it will all be behind you soon, and you will be running again! Hugs!
      Laura @ Mommy Run Fast recently posted..The Fit Mom ControversyMy Profile

    18. I can’t imagine how tough this must be (well, as a pregnant runner I sort of can), and my prayers are with you! I haven’t had any major pain, but the slowing down and tapering off as my pregnancy progresses is at times tough. I’m walking, swimming and still able to do light weights, so I can do something to get me by, but it is not the same as running and I hope you are back at it as soon as possible!
      Jane recently posted..37 weeks and 3 walksMy Profile

    19. Sorry to hear you are struggling. Second pregnancies are usually harder. But you will get back to running when the time is right. I can tell by your determination. The chiropractor sounds perfect! I’m struggling now just to run my half with a myriad of things-physical and otherwise But I will run it. I know you’ll be back out too. Enjoy the pregnancy-so special to be building a little ones life!
      Andrea recently posted..Babywearing: Boba Baby Wrap (formerly Sleepy Wrap)My Profile

    20. I wish there was something I could do for you! I’m so sorry you are going through this. FWIW–I completely understand how you feel. My worst fear during pregnancy was to be laid up and unable to stay running and happy. And then you have to deal with the guilt of that being such a big deal to you, but it is and that’s OK!

      I’m really keeping my fingers crossed that you get some relief ASAP and that you can get back to a place you want to be for the duration. Sending you a big HUG and lots of strength to get through it all.
      misszippy1 recently posted..Not too hard, not too soft, but just rightMy Profile

    21. Crying is a good thing – we are human – and it’s better then bottling it all up. I have been unable to run without any pelvic pain for 3 weeks now and am almost 20 weeks pregnant. I am SO jealous of others (friends, bloggers and random runners I see) – I just want to be running without any pain afterwards. It’s slightly depressing but am trying to find other activities to give me that “buzz” after a workout that doesn’t cause so much pain.
      Good luck with your treatment – sure hope it works for you.
      Are you able to do any other workouts besides running ?
      Anna recently posted..What I Ate WednesdayMy Profile

    22. Sorry to hear you are in pain.. I am so incredibly proud of you and all you have accomplished and do accomplish on a daily basis. Being a mom is not easy and sometimes you will be faced with feeling you are being a good mother to one and a bad mother to the other…it is unfortunately a natural part of the deal…take care of you..and you will be able to take care of both..Let other’s take care of you a bit too. Love you, feel well…Love, MJ

    23. Not being able to pick up my 2 year old was the hardest part of the third trimester. :-( It made me so sad to have to give bedtime duties over to his father, but seeing them read stories together in the rocker made it a lot easier to handle. And once my little girl was born, having that routine already set made it easier for me to be camped out on the couch nursing during bedtime.

      I hope you are able to get back to running sooner than you think, but more than that, I hope you have a pain free 8 weeks!
      Sarah K (@100CalsPerMile) recently posted..My New Favorite AccessoryMy Profile

    24. Bummer! I am trying to transition to minimalist shoes right now too and am afraid of something like that happening! I think a good cry sometimes works wonders though! I hope that you are feeling better soon!
      Travel Spot recently posted..Run The DayMy Profile

    25. Oh I feel for you! I really hope that working with the new chiropractor will make a big difference and that you’ll be up and running soon:-) Honestly reading your mileage and times has kept me running this pregnancy, and you should know that even when you aren’t running you are an inspiration! Loved your Everest post:-) Just keep focusing on that little newborn you’ll be holding soon:-)
      PS Thanks for the shout out:-) xoxo
      Sarah recently posted..Guest Posting on Fit 2 FlexMy Profile

    26. Sorry you are still in pain. Things will improve. I think seeing the chiropractor 3x a week will make a difference. Be patient. I know how hard it is not being able to run due to injury, I’ve spent many a time crying in the shower over it. Hang in there – hey, you’ve got a new baby on the way, that should make you smile.

    27. So sorry to hear this. I am in a similar situation. I always assumed I would run for almost my whole pregnancy. And then back in February I found out in the same week that 1) I was pregnant and 2) I tore the meniscus in my knee. Since that doesn’t heal without surgery, I am pretty much out of running for the entire pregnancy and then until I can have surgery and recover (I’m due Nov 1st). It has been really tough but like you, I have tried to focus on the good parts – I will have a baby in a few months! Hang in there and I hope you feel better and can get back to running soon.

    28. Hi Michele,
      A good cry is sometimes just what we need. I’m sorry you are going through this, and I can completely absolutely relate to where you are right now, because I have been there. The last 2 months of my 3rd pregnancy I barely ran at all. I walked and moved my body almost every day, sometimes just 1 mile sometimes slower than a slug. And when my SI joint was so out of whack and painful, I cried – a lot! After Gus was born I wanted to get back into it and had a HARD time, but I wound up accomplishing more than I ever would have dreamed possible. You entered into this pregnancy a strong runner, and this experience is going to make you even stronger — I promise you that!
      Jessica recently posted..Rest Day HappinessMy Profile

      • Jess, you continue to amaze me each and every week. I am in total awe of everything you have accomplished the last year – all while being an amazing mommy to 3 little ones. I honestly don’t know how you find the time (or sleep) to juggle all that you do.
        It’s so hard when you have such high expectations of yourself / what you can accomplish and then your body just decides it’s not on board. =( Thank you for everything you said – hope you had a wonderful first weekend back from vacation!!

    29. I have been gone on vacation for 3 weeks and hadn’t had a lot of time to check on some of my regular blogs. I just now caught up on your no running for 2 weeks :-( First, so sorry you are going through pains and this frustration.

      As a mom, a runner, and a military brat and military spouse, let me just say that I totally get having frustations, difficulties, and sadness when we reach times in our life that are *not easy*. What I try to do during these times is to remind myself that I cannot compare myself to others. It is hard to do I know, but we have to always remind ourselves that we have to do what is right for US. It takes some active brain training to really work on focusing on just US. Right now, what is right for you is to rest and that is OK. Just because others are still running, doesn’t matter. The others will get an injury at some point and be out for the count when you are back running! (I’ve finally realized this circle of runninghood myself!)

      We moms always have a bad habit of comparing ourselves to other moms too. Are we snuggling our babies enough? Did we teach a lesson in the way other moms would have done? Did we give enough organic foods today? Did we use the right detergent as other moms do … etc. We’ll drive ourselves crazy! You are a great mom and it is ok if there are days you don’t get to the park or tackle other parenting projects. The kiddos don’t keep count – as long as you are there for them with hugs and love, that is all that matters :-)

      Take it easy and heal – that is the most important task at hand. And I hear you on the whole trying out heel-to-toe drops. My sports chiro is totally against all those shoes and lectures me about not using them. I have been nearly injury free NOT running in any ‘barefoot style’ shoe now. Happily chugging along is my cushioned Asics Cumulus :-) Do what is right for you!

      Hope you feel better soon and sometimes a good cry is what we all need too!
      Christina recently posted..Alpine goodness, a hiker’s paradiseMy Profile

      • HAHA…Christina! My chiro is totally against them as well! He said he doesn’t recommend them to anyone. In the end, I just want a lighter shoe – so I probably don’t need to jump into the minimalist shoes yet. I have been injury free since I started wearing my 9 oz Wave Alchemy back in 2007.
        Thank you for everything you said. You are 100% right … I think part of the parenting guilt I have is also b/c I know #2 is coming into the world and I want to do every thing that I could with my son before #2 is born…Part of me feels excited for him to be a big brother, but the other part of me is so worried and sad that he has to “share” us now.
        Hope you had a great (long!!) vacation =)

    30. Oh Michele – I totally feel your pain. There’s absolutely nothing worse than needing a run when you physically can’t go for one. I’m glad you got a second opinion and are getting the adjustment you need. I hope it’s only a short break for you.
      I’m no stranger to taking breaks from running but I’m having a hard time with being inactive right now. I had a csection with my daughter so I’m still 4-6 weeks away from being cleared for exercise. Newborn snuggles do make it easier though!

      • I know, V! At the end of the day, I don’t want to feel or sound like a whiney mom-to-be…there are a lot worse things that could have happened, you know? I hope the next 4-6 wks go by fast for you so you get back out there again! Are you still thinking about running the SI Half?
        And YAY for baby snuggles – they are the best =)

    31. ahh i just want to give you a big big hug. I know nothing I say is going to make it better, but you are so right to focus on the BIG picture of that healthy baby! (It’s so much easier said than done.) Focus on what you can control right now, like nutritious food, playing with AJ, etc. Thinking of you!
      Nicole recently posted..Saturday Link Love: Week of July 21stMy Profile

      • Thanks, Nicole =) I am just going to live vicariously through you until I can run again!!!! If I do get back to running soon, we should go for a run together in central park !