Guilt With a Second Child

Baby #2 will be making his/her arrival any day now and I’m excited, ecstatic, and anxious for my son to have a sibling.  Both my husband and I come from families of multiple children and we always knew we wanted the same. He will forever have a playmate and friend.

Helping announce baby #2 in March!

BUT, there is this feeling that I can’t seem to shake.  There are times during the day when I look at my son and feel sad.  I feel guilty. I feel sorry for him.

While he points to my belly and says “baby”, I know he’s still too young to actually get that there is a real-life baby in there – a little brother or sister that we will be bringing home from the hospital.

He doesn’t realize that sometime in the next couple of weeks, our lives will forever be changed…turned upside down as we welcome a new member to our family.  He will no longer have 100% of mommy and daddy’s attention…and our worlds can no longer revolve totally around him.

Enjoying our daily afternoon walk

He has been the center of our lives since day one. These days, when he wakes up, we bring him back into bed with us – the three of us snuggle, hug, and chat before we all make our way downstairs.  My husband and I enjoy our morning cup of coffee in the playroom while he cooks us breakfast in his kitchen or plays with his Thomas trains.

Playing with his Thomas trains!

Over the last few months, my son seems to have matured from a toddler to a little boy.  He’s talking nonstop, he understands everything, the temper tantrums I had previously discussed seem to have vanished… And it makes is so much easier to do more outside of the house now.  We go out to eat for lunch. We go to Target and spend hours in the toy aisles.  We go food shopping.  We run errands.  We do things together – just him and I. He’s become my little buddy and I’ve been enjoying every single second with him lately.

The love of my life

My husband and I decided a month or so ago to take advantage of the solo time with him and we’ve been trying to do as much as we can on the weekends – the zoo, aquarium, friends’ homes for playdates…My son and I (and one of my sisters!) are even going to see Sesame Street Live today!

 Did you experience similar feelings with subsequent children? 

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    18 thoughts on “Guilt With a Second Child

    1. He really does look like a boy now and not a toddler:) He is so so cute. I haven’t even thought about this guilt that you are talking about but I am sure I will experience is with #2. You are such an incredible mom and adding to your family is going to be so good for him and he will be such a great big brother!

    2. Oh Michele, we totally had the same feelings and it’s completely normal. It’s so special to be the first born and to have the undivided attention of Mommy and Daddy. AJ may have a hard time adjusting but it’s a transition. Definitely take advantage of the special time you have with him now. We were lucky in that Jasper loved Everett unconditionally from Day 1 and wasn’t jealous of him.

      After our 2nd was born, my husband would be wracked with guilt because he wanted to provide Everett with the exact same experiences and amount of attention that Jasper received – which is impossible. It is impossible for it to be the same just because Everett will never be the only child. But what we tried to do, and still do, is to make sure that each boy has some special alone time with each parent.

      Honestly, what makes it all worth while to me is seeing the relationship between my boys. They absolutely ADORE each other. It is the cutest and sweetest thing ever to see their relationship grow and develop. You guys are giving AJ an incredible gift – that of a sibling.
      Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Friday Round-Up: Mattering, Growth, Double Standards and Shout-OutsMy Profile

    3. As a mom of 1, I watch E he seems a little lonely sometimes. I do think that having another would give him a companion. so that’s the guilt from a mother of one.

      The get the guilt you’re talking about too and it’s got to be normal. It seems like with everything mom guilt kicks in. I think we all have to try hard to find the compromise.

      Your #1 will do great. He will adjust. Keep him involved. Make him your helper. I would imagine that if he feels like he’s part of the team, he love it!
      Katie @momslrb recently posted..Setting Goals and Overcoming FearsMy Profile

    4. I had the same guilt. THEN I had the guilt that baby #2 would never get to be an only child and get the level of attention that baby #1 had. The truth is that it’s just how it is and there are some benefits to being first, last and in the middle. And you only know your own experience so you adapt. Kids are resilient. There will be a period of adjustment, but he will be a better person for being a big brother. My son was/is. :)
      Jen Correa @ Mom’s Gotta Run recently posted..I am a Spartan!My Profile

    5. This can be so hard and I TOTALLY had the same guilt with my second baby and I won;t lie, the first couple months were rough (probably the worst on me) but rapidly got better and now htat they are toddlers together. They playt ALL DAY long…make eachother laugh,have someone to eat with, bathe with, hang out with all the time. it;s awesome. I’, 15 weeks with babay #3
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    6. You are giving your son the best gift of all- a sibling. He is going to LOVE his little brother or sister. My 2nd child was born was my oldest was 21 months old. I knew our family dynamics were going to change forever but it was for the better. With each new addition the love multiplies. Your attention may need to be divided a little but your son will learn SO many necessary life lessons with a new sibling- sharing, being kind, loving, protecting, etc. You and your husband can still make lots of special time for AJ when your new little one is sleeping or home with one of you. I remember feeling a little this way but just know that there will be PLENTY of love to go around! :-)
      Tia @ Arkansas Runner Mom recently posted..Boston- Here we go again!My Profile

    7. I totally went through that. It was hard! We did all that we could to give him his own special time even after his sister arrived. Take advantage of having family nearby and do the occasional outing w/ just him. Before you know it, everyone will be adjusted and it will be hard to remember a time before the new baby.
      misszippy1 recently posted..Time to tri againMy Profile

    8. I know what you mean- I have 4 kids ranging from 5-12, and the only downside (other than the incessant noise) is that it’s hard to commit as much time as I would like to each kid. What we try to do is make a point to take 1 on 1 time with each one. Every Sat I take 1 kid out, even if only for a 1/2 hour. I try to get my wife to do the same- she’s home with them all the time, so it’s good for her to get away from the 4 and just have some 1 on 1 time as well, where she can enjoy them, rather than having to always have to keep a handle on all 4 at home.

    9. I can’t relate….yet. But my brother and sil are expecting their second any day now too, and they are going to try to include my niece in everything when the baby arrives. They got her a doll with a bottle and cradle so she can fed her baby when mommy is with the new baby. They also bought her and the new baby matching necklaces they plan to give her in the hospital when they meet. I know it’s a little harder with boys but those are some ideas you can make him feel special. I think the guilt must be normal but I’m sure as parents it’s just bittersweet….you have this special bond with him and now u have to share that with another. But I’ve heard (and I’m sure ur parents would confirm) that your love just grows with each child. Congrats and looking forward to hearing your news! Would be so cool if pumpkin arrives the same day as my new niece:)

    10. I can totally understand what you’re thinking and why, but your son is going to love having a sibling. I only have one daughter. I met my boyfriend and he has a son and they’ve become like brother and sister. I cherish the alone time that I get with her but it makes me incredibly happy to hear those two giggling in the other room or showing each other how to do things.
      Laura @RunningJunkie123 recently posted..Race for Grace and a New Brussel Sprout AddictionMy Profile

    11. I had opposite feelings when I was about to have my 2nd daughter. I had no idea how I could possibly love another baby the way I loved my oldest daughter. I felt guilty that I was scared I wouldn’t love her the same.

      That was quickly gone as soon as Gabbie was born. And bringing her home made our family complete and my oldest never noticed anything other than more love that she could share and take. Kids are amazing and you will be surprised at how accepting he will be of his new sibling. He may not know what is going on, but he was meant to be a big brother, he knows what his job is and will do amazing.
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