Do you ever feel like you are on a treadmill and it just seems to be getting faster and faster…and that you will fall off if you hesitate for even a second?
This is how I have felt the last few weeks. Overwhelmed. Like I was holding down the fast forward button and couldn’t pick up my hand. Like I didn’t have control.
Don’t get me wrong. Certain aspects have been positive. I’ve nailed all of my tough runs and I’ve been blogging much more frequently (pretty much every day lately).
But other aspects of my life seem to be running away from me.
For the last month I have been a zombie. I’ve been staying up entirely too late for the time I’ve been getting up…My to-do list is only getting longer and with later bedtimes for the boys (some nights around 830), I don’t start doing things until close to 9. An 11pm bedtime with a 5am wakeup is not easy. And on top of that, the sleep I have been getting is completely broken. My youngest is going through a sleep regression so gone are the 10-12 hr nights. We have been dealing with 2-4 wakeups a night. He goes back to sleep easily but the wakeups mean I’m not getting more than 2-3 hours at a time. I’m not complaining. I have a 5 month old so I don’t expect to get 12 hours of sleep a night. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. The lack of sleep finally caught up to me last week and I totally skipped my run Thursday and my swim Friday. I just could not pull myself out of bed.
With the increase in training, blogging, coaching (all of which I am SO thankful for), other aspects of my life have taken a back seat. Cleaning the house, cooking dinner, taking care of myself, folding laundry, going out for a few hours with my boys in the afternoons…all of the things that go hand-in-hand with being a stay-at-home mom fell by the waste side.
I am a stay-at-home mom for a reason…it’s not so I can go to the gym and bring them to daycare so I can run (not saying this is wrong…just saying this is not what I am comfortable doing). It’s not so I can plop them in front of the TV so I can blog and respond to emails, comments, etc (we have a pretty strict 1 show/day maximum for my eldest son). It’s not so I can push myself so hard in my workouts that I have no energy left for them. I’m a believer that all these things must get done before they are up/before my husband leaves for work or after they go to sleep.
Over the weekend I came to the realization that my life at home is only going to get more difficult before it gets easier…my youngest is mobile which creates a whole new set of challenges at home…ironman training is only in week 1…my workout times will more than double come June and July…This all resulted in a mini-meltdown Sunday afternoon.
I read a post Monday evening that could not have come at a better time for me - the Pursuit of Superwoman – written by my friend, Laura.
“Over-achievers like me need to learn to step back and relax. To spend more time in silence, meditation or prayer. To focus on the people around us, not the to-do list.
And we all need to free ourselves from the pressure to be all things to all people.”
Ummm…hello. This was exactly what I needed to read.
I need to remind myself that I am not going to be any less of a blogger if I don’t blog every day. Or be a failure in July if I skip a workout every now and then. It’s going to happen. And it’s okay when it does. I am NOT superwoman.
I need to step back from the things that don’t define me, that won’t matter in 5, 10, 20 years from now and not get so stressed out with trying to DO IT ALL. I am NOT superwoman.
So this week is a new approach.
Less phone/computer use.
More family time.
More doing things in the house I’ve been meaning to do (my husband and I spent most of Monday reorganizing our basement).
More slowing down.
I’ve gone to bed early the last two nights (9:30pm) and have gotten up at 430 to be in the pool by 515 to swim my 900 yards (swam 200 yards straight – yay!). Yesterday I came straight home to hop on the bike for an hour (rode 17.5 miles). And today I ran 5 miles on the gym treadmill (4 miles at 6:30 pace).
Despite tough workouts, I have more energy. I did laundry. I played with my sons. I was living in the moment. I was not worrying about what blog post I had to write next or what email I had to return. The stress felt like it had disappeared.
Yesterday was the little guy’s 5 month birthday. He started cereal (yay!).
I ate a healthy, filling lunch.
I had dinner (Braised Garlic Chicken) prepped in the crockpot by 1pm.
We baked chocolate chip cookies.
I spent some time chatting and sitting on the couch with my husband after the kids went to sleep (7:45 last night!).
I am finally learning to slow down the treadmill.
Do you ever feel stressed out with everything you have to do?
Did you read Laura’s post?